Monday, November 06, 2006

Just do yourself a favour, and don’t ever watch The Covenant.
I’m giving it 1.5 stars out of 5, and that’s just me being generous.
For one, there is no plot.
I shall just tell you the plot, just to show you that there is no plot.
If you still insist on watching that crummy movie, I shall just have to put the SPOILERS WARNING right here, right now.
Hence, SPOILERS WARNING! BEWARE!
So, the story starts, these four guys, they’re like descendents of the five original founding families in this area of wossname. They’re called the Sons of Ipswich [MS Word accepts this word - wth], some gang-ish thing, like a clique in this boarding school called Spenser. [GG]
So then there’s this girl, called Sara, who is blonde and pretty and new to the school. Her room mate Kate, introduces her to the Sons of Ipswich during some party for the first time, and she and the main lead guy, Caleb [I LIKE THIS NAME] and another guy in the clique, called Gavin [I think. I only know he looks like Owen Wilson] hit it off pretty well.
Then the cops come as this is an illegal party and they run away but Sara’s car can’t start. So Gavin goes over and helps them fix their car, by staring at the ignition engine (with the hood up of course, so they can’t see) and his eyes go black and fiery and the car starts. They run off blah blah blah, the four guys get chased by the police but they escape by flying over this chasm, then landing behind the police when the police are like staring quizzically over the chasm and then they laugh and drive away. [Nice lightning effect here]
So then they go over to the girls, who are like discussing the guys, as Kate is the girlfriend of one of the Sons of Ipswich, I think his name is Reed. I shall now refer all of them by their hair colour – Caleb is short spiky, Gavin is blonde, Reed is shoulder length and I think the last guy, I can’t remember his name but I shall refer to him as Curly. Because his hair is curly. I think I got Reed and Gavin mixed up. Reed should be Gavin or Kevin or whatever.
The next day, there’s a report of the death of a student whose car the four of them were using or something. And Caleb is freaked out as he felt someone using the power in the night, so powerful that it wakes him up. He thinks its Reed, the blonde rebellious guy. What the hell, I shall just call him Simms, because that’s his surname. THEN freaky part, Caleb sees the dead kid sitting in the car next to him as he’s going off to somewhere and talking to Kevin (long hair guy) in the car. The kid opens his mouth and goes all ghost like and Caleb freaks and THEN! There’s this truck carrying logs heading right for him!
They crash; the movie does a great 180 degree view of the car completely splintering into a million pieces in SLOW MOTION and then forming back to its original form once the lorry has passed. Caleb survives the incident and complains to Long Hair Guy about it and suspects Blonde guy.
So then blaah I don’t want to go to details as they are from many other movies, like there is a bathing scene ala Ju On, where the girl (Sara) takes a bath ON HER OWN, and gets freaked out by some moving air. She bumps into Gavin on the way WEARING ONLY A TOWEL and Gavin (Kevin/Blonde hair guy/Reed/Simms) is completely CHECKING HER OUT and she is all ‘Oh noes something was WATCHING ME IN THE BATHROOM.’
I wonder why man. I wonder why.
So okay, there’s this new guy in town, called Chase Collins [I REMEMBER A NAME!] and he is completely hitting on Kate. Reed (Kevin/Gavin/Long Hair Guy) doesn’t like it but Caleb is like the cool guy and whatever. Here they TRY expanding on the relationship between Sara and Caleb, they go dancing, over to his caretaker’s house but not his house, blah blah blah the traditional kiss scene… etc.
Okay, so they show a bit more about the family, mainly Caleb’s family as he lives alone with his mom in some big Victorian house, as after all, they’re one of the founding families of the town. Mom is angsting about her husband, about how the power ate away her husband’s life, as her own son is turning 18. Okay, see the children right, they get their powers at 13, but it’s just a little bit. Then they get the full power at 18 (Ascension), and all of the kids are around 17 plus. That time, their power becomes their life, and they can’t give it away, else they will die. They can use the powers any way they like, just that the cost is their life itself, the more they use, the faster they age.
And they’re swimmers! All of them. Pretty. However, the movie chose a bad bad way to show that they were swimmers. I shall talk about that later.
So anyway, Caleb confronts Blonde guy about the ghost (Darkling) that he sees, and scolds him by using his power at some fight outside a bar, saying stuff like how the power is seductive and addictive and how Blonde guy was abusing his power and such, usual hero stuff.
Kevin denies all knowledge and there is a RIFT!
So then there is this mini argument between Kate and Long Hair guy, as Long Hair guy thinks that Kate is getting too close to Chase Collins. Kate and he blow off and they both sulk. Sara gets this scary dream about spiders and how they overrun her room and stuff like that.
Sara gets all freaked out and starts searching up on the families, finding the Putnams, Simms, Danvers and something else as I can’t remember the other names in some old book that talked about the Witches of Ipswich. She’s all suspicious but Kate is like, oh the powers mentioned don’t exist anymore.
So, they all are swimmers right, turns out that Collins used to be a swimmer too! He’s some freestyling ace swimmer, which HAPPENS TO BE Caleb’s pet event. So there’s this little competition in the pool, where they show both guys facing off, Caleb and Chase. Before this important [ahem] scene, there was this small bit on the guys swimming Butterfly stroke, which completely pissed me off as the way they swam it was completely ugly and gross and they should go watch some females do Butterfly stroke before attempting themselves.
Anyway, they swim and then they show one of the guys’ eyes turning black and fiery, which shows that power was being used and the guy using the power wins while the other hits his head on the wall. Ouch….
So then! PLOT TWIST! It turns out that CALEB HIT HIS HEAD! So it was CHASE who did the power! Therefore there is ONE MORE PERSON who had the power! [GAASSSSPPP]
However! The thing was that the last founding family had been AXED OFF during the Salem Witch hunts!
So they check up on Collins and find out that he was ADOPTED and his last name was actually Pope, which is an abbreviation from Goodie Pope, the last family which was supposedly axed off during the Salem Witch Hunts.
There this rather funny part, where Caleb and Long Hair Guy are in the office and a security guard comes in. They hide by floating but Long Hair guy accidentally drops the papers that they were holding and then Caleb stops the papers from falling on the guard’s head but floating them.
Yeah so everyone is like: Let’s go get Chase! But the thing is that Chase is already 18 and thus he has full power. Then the thing is that, Kate gets some sort of attack, by something, she goes to the hospital and gets very sick and Sara is really worried and stuff. She calls Caleb while they are discussing about the Goodie Pope family in some dark secret underground area with dribbly candles and a scary dark book. So they get the news, and the Long Hair guy gets all agitated and goes and finds Chase Collins on his motorcycle and meets him. He tries to crash into Chase using his motorcycle head on [stupid guy] but Chase uses his power and flips him over and crashes him really badly, so Long Hair Guy is OUT OF THE PICTURE.
Chase says that he got to Long Hair Guy using Kate and is using the Long Hair Guy to get to Caleb! [ARGH WHY DIDN’T HE GET THROUGH USING SARA IN THE FIRST PLACE STUPID GUY]
Then they change scenes to Sara, who is worrying in her dormitory about Kate and then she opens the door and sees Caleb there. He enters her room and they begin talking and then someone else knocks on the door, and she opens it and SEE CALEB AT THE DOOR AGAIN!
She is confused and then the first Caleb changes into Chase. Cut this scene short, Sara is knocked out, Chase uses Caleb’s mom, his friends and Sara as leverage for his powers as Caleb is the strongest of the group and the first to turn 18 amongst the Sons of Ipswich.
Caleb agrees and the curse on Sara that Chase used for a threat is removed, after Chase beats Caleb up a little.
Blah blah, the day that Caleb gets his power is the night of some Fall Festival thing, and he’s going with Sara for it. Sara and Caleb visit Long Hair Guy in the hospital, where the three of them discuss what to do with Chase. Caleb maintains that this is his own problem and tells the others just to take care and not do anything as he doesn’t want anything to happen to them.
He lets Sara in on his secret and shows her his dad, who is taken care of by his creepy caretaker and his dad is 44 years old but he looks like a 100 year old man, telling her of the effects of the power.
In the end, Sara is supposed to go to the Ball thing with the two friends while he confronts Chase on his own.
Blah Blah bitch fight thus ensues, Chase uses Sara as a hostage and leverage again, Caleb retaliates and Ascends as he is fighting Chase using, of all things, TRANSPARENT WATERBALL-ESQUE things that explode. The fight occurs in this old barn, and a fire subsequently occurs as Caleb knocked over a lamp. [Lame] Chase is happy and tries to make Caleb will his powers to him, knowing that Caleb will die.
So, traditional fight scene, after Chase beats Caleb up even after he Ascends, Caleb is lying on the ground exhausted, Chas leans over him, gripping his face:
‘I.’
‘I…’
‘Will you.’
‘Will you… Nothing.’
Then Caleb kicks Chase.
So they bitch fight a bit more, as Caleb mum runs to the caretaker’s house and tries to persuade Caleb’s father to will his power to his son, so that Caleb will get full power and be able to beat Chase.
He does so and dies happily and Caleb beats Chase.
Yay, the next day cannot find any trace of Chase [cliché] and the pair, Caleb and Sara leave the scene as fire fighters clear the area up.
OKAY END. SEE WHAT A CRAPPY MOVIE IT WAS.
I have several things to complain about.
1. The bad storyline.
2. The worse swimmers.
3. The fact that none of them look 17.
4. The idea that this entire movie occurs in a ghost town type of area, with mist and stone and dark dreary hospitals.
5. The bitch fight.
6. The shortness of the entire movie.
7. The fact that Chase was a complete idiot.
8. The lame names, which show that absolutely no brains were placed into this.
9. Spending this amount of money to watch this.
10. The fact that none of the guys were really considered good looking, unless you count the gay Sons of Ipswich, who aren’t that good looking anyway.
11. Stupid theme songs, with no point.
12. The fact that the idea of the title didn’t appear throughout the entire movie.
13. The stupid way they made Chase tell his identity which was in freestyling when he was swimming and breathing for air, then his eyes went all swirly black and fiery. I mean, COULDN’T HE DO IT UNDER WATER?!
14. Sheer cliché qualities of the entire movie.
15. The entire movie as a whole. At the end right, they are talking about how they have to keep their powers secret, and then Caleb, in his car, REPAIRS THE SHATTERED WINDOWS (after effects of the fight) RIGHT IN FRONT OF SEVERAL FIRE FIGHTERS before driving off. I mean, complete contradiction. Hello.

The only nice things about the movie:
1. The nice Lightning effects
2. The idea of how the power eats your life away

But! Today had some redeeming qualities. Don’t understand why though, me acting all dramatic and bitchy seem to make Michele and Judith just some very happy people. Don’t get it.
GG I spent 4 pages bitching about this movie. Wth.

Posted by norbert at 11/06/2006 12:06:00 AM