Saturday, January 31, 2004
bwa hahahah thanks to irene for this..... ive gotta get three of my favourites, merry, pippin and elrond! :D i got legolas on my first try. the horror! ill put him here. somewhere.
Congratulations! You're Merry!
Which Lord of the Rings character and personality problem are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Congratulations! You're Elrond!
Which Lord of the Rings character and personality problem are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Congratulations! You're Pippin!
Which Lord of the Rings character and personality problem are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
and finally, legolas...
Congratulations! You're Legolas!
Which Lord of the Rings character and personality problem are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
have fun. :P
Posted by norbert at 1/31/2004 06:02:00 PM
Friday, January 30, 2004
Post Rating: Flubberlicious!yay! finally can blog. whee!
lessee today was basically slack. next week is time to die. we've got this physics then there's that literature thing and then the um...geog i think. help.
so basically we've got like...umm... 4 days to study for physics.
cor!
i doubt anyone knows wad the hell mr elvis low is speaking. he is several octaves lower than mrs kumar. hat hat. and then there's the fact that he's a laptop freak. he'll die without his laptop. its a very sad case.
okay lessee wad did we do today....
miss kaur dint come. yay!
so we've got one and a half hours of free periods. just that wossname mrs lim has to come in and say that oh basically you've got nothing to do for pc. yay! so i wrote the scenes. whee. i need my com soon. 2 1/2 scenes on one piece of fulscap paper. and im on a roll, just tha ti dunnoe wad's the period after bio on monday. -sheepish grin- heh heh....
so then it was chinese. pure hell etc etc etc chen lao shi got cough! haha! whee!!!
so then it was recess. was planning to do add math hmk during recess cos i dint bother to do last night. heh heh.
so did the hmk, found out that we're checking up at 9.40 directly after recess and spot on on add maths so yeah, nearly dint bother to do. but ci hui made us do it. and hand in to the teacher. -sulks-
so fine did it. then changed into pe...hahah the classroom became a dressing room... haha but its always liddat during recess.... :P
so then went to emanuel hall -heck care if i spelt it correctly cant be bothered- and waited outside and proceeded to continue writing. everyone was like hoping that the thing would axe off bio and maths in the deal as well so we're sat outside and slacked. whee.
until my turn and the went in bloody hell stupid hall so bloody cold.... took eye vision thing dont need to change glasses....cos just changed it recently last year if i need to change again my dad will scream and chase me outta the house. ^^
and then after that we're supposed to go and take some spinal back thingy. everyone hated that cos need to take pe shirt off. hat hat.
so there's like the dressing shade or wadever, and supy/supranee was dancing about the hall, checking out the eye vision thing up close, telling us about her perfect vision, etc etc etc. she brought a jacket as well and was attempting to do a strip tease. sheryl was also there and then we came up with this scheming plan. wa hahaha.
see first we take the eye vision thingy need to sit on this row of chairs, then after that we move to another row of chairs that were currently occupied by everyone else who took the eye vision test and then were waiting to take the spinal thingy test.so after me was sheryl and then was jun li. so while jun li was taking the eye test, the last chair was occupied by me. so no space for sheryl wad then supy got this idea to get sheryl to do 'fa zan'.
she has to stand up, hold her ears using the opposite hands and then bend and squat up and down 20 times. yeah. sheryl dint do it anyway. hahah but she got a seat. and THEN jun li finished her eye test.
-evil grin-
so then the next person went for the spinal test thingy. got at least 15 more pple to us and got one more extra seat. then sheryl told jun li that she has to do the punishment, cos 'the nurse said that that was part of the healthy programme'. jun li dint believe it at first and still dint believe it but she did it in the end!! HAHAHAH!!
15 times!! hahahaha!!!
and then li si came after her, and we tried to make her do the same thing again. but she dint believe us, still and managed to get a seat without doing it. hahah.
so crapped away the periods, supy was very amusing...haha in the true sense of amusment and perversity. nvm. our class is a pervert class. :D
supy then started to talk to 'quit make the'. a skull. a very interesting skull on a 'stop smoking' poster. she said that he dint know where he was buried. how sad! -sobz- she was talking to him and we were asking about him and he was very polite and nice. whee. go quit!
so then it was supranee's turn. she was going to fling her pe shirt over the shade and show it to the wooorrllldddd....
everyone saw. pple laughed. whee...
we then told tan chun to do the same. she dint. first class failure.
and then we asked ci hui to fake an adjustment of the bra after the lady was done checking with her. she oso dint do it. :P
and then my turn! haha supy wanted me to fling my pe shirt around too:P
so went behind, took off the shirt, flinged it around abit while the nurse calmly ignored me. :P
and then had to bend down for her to check the back. found out that my back had dis tiny lump at the left, 02 degrees. :P oh well. said somethign about my posture.
then came out, but supy said she dint seee......dang.
and then after that was sheryl's turn she dint fling her shirt too..bugrit.
then everyone noticed that tan chun was talking to the nurse was a veeerrryyy long time.
so then practically everyone was finished.
and then yu jun from another class claimed that her nimples were erect cos of the bloody cold aircon which rachel hmar and eva were continuously lowering, and needed supy's jacket.
haha so supy lent her the jacket and had to explain to jun li and li si wad erect nimples meant. :P
we then went out and talked a bit to 3a2. calmly ignoring the fact that we had to go back to class. then the nice nurse lady told us that she needed volunteers to come and help her tell 3b1 and 3b2 that their check up was coming soon. so supy volunteered, then we all left, we being me supy jun li and sheryl.
heh gotta go now will finish this :D
Posted by norbert at 1/30/2004 09:40:00 PM
Sunday, January 25, 2004
Post Rating: Death to all Sane PeopleOok.
Ooka-ook ook oooook ook.
right. gong xi fa cai etc etc etc etc and so on and so forth, wadever. good. now that that's over and done with....
i am wearing hello kitty pyjamas. this is certified by certified officially official profesionally profound professors that it is radioactive and SHOULD NOT BE WORN AT ALL TIMES.
oops. i wear them to sleep in. heh heh.
but who cares.
so the last two days have been horrid totally disgusting absolutely horrible days whee. the days where one goes out to slave in bright new clothing and totally ignoring the fact that wearing bright new clothing in a bright city with bright bright bright lights is totally taboo.
i think i might have blinded two pple.
and children are forced to know for once wad it is like to be in the working society and to earn money in a disgustingly diabloical way where one is forced to recite at least 4 of the cheng yu -SHUT UP ALL HIGHER MOTHER TONGUE PPLE YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE- to an aunt in order to get an ang bao. and it is made worst when the aunt forgets that you actually exist and go 'eh?' when you politely ask for one ang bao. after repeating all four phrases for good luck and etc.
i feel ill-treated. and gerard yes i will sue you if mr wombat dies of shock.
so ive been spending the last days totally ignoring my hmk, laughing and dispicably getting ang baos and politely mentioning that fact that ooh that's very interesting the way you got the mountain book- im sorry bike and yes your books are very interesting but i have no interest in them no i dont wanna borrow them and YES you WILL get your warcraft in 6 days, DONT WORRY. and oh yeah, i dint bring amber. she's currently resting at home. she's still in shock.
and oh yeah acsi guys are horrid. whee.
and then my dad had this brilliant idea to put the vid cam somewhere high up. daphne being the like...mouth, loudspeaker, talkalot of our family and basically standing in about 1/3 of the picture, dancing.
aunt: daphne go away you're spoiling the picture.
daphne dear then gets this brilliant diea that hey im gonna smile at the camera. at this instant, she climbs up, grins for less than a second when the camera falls.
a sharp squeal ensues.
the camera was rescued, the tape was replayed, the tape was laughed at.
yy-kins has got it into his head that smooch is a photogenic dog.
mun mun is suffering from warcraft deprivation. aunt says he will cry. oh dear. mun mun dearie, you are primary six. zhen zhen has a fetish with thighs. esp those that squeal when bonked on. namely mine.
'eek ooh argh'
then mun mun comes over and jams his elbow into my knee. i am one very bullied cousin. HOW DARE FELICIA FORGET THE EVANESCENCE CD!! HOW DARE SHE!!
okay. wadever.
hat hat hat.
so actually in the morning, had gone to pray our dearly departed grandmother.
and then that was when my dad FINALLY noticed: nellyn wad's that white patch over there at your hair?
me -sweet voice-: ooh is it that obvious?
dad: yes.
me: THEN WHY YOU NOW THEN NOTICE!
and then everyone suddenly noticed my hair. sigh....
anyway i have basically done wad a good daughter is supposed to do and has gone thru the chinese tradition, never sulked about it and has done all the wheeing one can do. ha ha.
anyway happy chinese new year to all them readers out there.
im taking a break. no wait axe that, i NEED one.
Posted by norbert at 1/25/2004 12:57:00 AM
Thursday, January 22, 2004
Post Rating: Hyperativei am never going to talk to sean again.
whee. and both of us have no qualms about that.
hahahahaha how nice.
lessee....went to uncle's hosue at about 5 plus heard maroon 5 on radio -yay!-
'this love' im beginning to think that only shareen and juliet plays that song nowadays. hahahahhaha.
pop was pissed mom was pissed gawd its a new year tradition. ignored it. hahahha cos you see dad was suppsoed to bathe but he went seng song -wadever- some supermarket to buy CANNED FOOD. reason: not enuf canned food.
my mom could have cried.
but wadevr. she's just pissed that when she specifically told him to bathe before going out he whistled to himself and walked outta the door. yay.
so got to uncle's house. needed ot call them first heh heh forgot the unit and the block no. passed gerard's house again. man jo is creepy.
so got there heh heh got the welcoming commitee of munmun and yy -fine that's our names for them everyone calls them that.-
real names macolm and derrick respectively hahah i think macolm is jo's age but the height difference...gawd. its scary.
so then zhen zhen or isabell to not-family-members came over and asked me :where's amber?
oh gawd they remembered.
okay you see cos amber is this kitten soft toy of mine whiihc they three have the sadistic pleasure to kill. they go 'kill the amber kill the amber' while stomping the ground in unholy glee.
buuut zhen zhen got asthma so haha no soft toys allowed. nya nya.
so met my grandad-he forgot my name -sobz-
and then i slouched around the house reading comics while everyone else played. got poked by unc to help aunt and pinched in a bit. a titchy bit hahahah
then went back to comics. hahaha at about like 6 plus second smallest unc came yay. bringing the whole motely crew of his family of swimmers.
gawd isnt the shame enuf already?
lessee sean is my age he's waaay better swimmer than me and hey hes in triple sciences too how nice. ^^
we spent the entire time ignoring each other. whhheee.
so during dinner had the usual arguments like
'how come got three layered pork and you never tell me? you know its my fav meat!'
'oh i dint know it was your fav meat anyway its mine fav meat too so obviously ill eat all before you realise it right?'
'so now you know its my fav meat.'
so blah blah blah yes im running short of time. if my parents come back im screwed. hahahahah
im gonna burn the linkin park cd. yay.
oh yeah had some stupid tummy ache on the car back home cos the stupid coke i took...uh..never take cold drinks during periods...oh gawd. anyway its gone now wheee. :D
Posted by norbert at 1/22/2004 12:52:00 AM
Wednesday, January 21, 2004
Post Rating: Hyperactive, Radioactive, Tested and Proven Insanity-Positive-oh dear-
Listening: -flips thru music files- Another Postcard by Barenaked Ladies
ah am going ta ENGLAND!!!
JOY TO THE WORLLLDD!!
yay.
so basically today is....CNY EVE!!! YAAAAYYYYYYY four days of no school, money, games, relatives and ba kwa!!!
wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
ah am thirsty.
cos one would be thirsty after walking thru the stupidly hot sun at about 3pm today, walking home from the aljunied library after returning one's books for fear of being overdue and Getting Seriously Screwed by the One-and-only Human Called Missus Ohgawd Mad.
otherwise known as MOM.
or ministry of manpower in singapore.
ps this mad is not mad mad its mad angry angry being you're dead screwed woman!
yeah. so after all the performance, our class dint win the competition! -sobz-, we went back to class took our attendance and then those that paid for the england trip were called to the hall.
hahahhaha yerrssh!! im going to england!!
hahahahahaha nicola suggested writing on a piece of paper: im in england and you're not!! when the lady filmed us. whee. this is bringing the boundaries of spkc to new horizons! we're moving to england!! hat hat hat.
heh so then she briefed us abit nic and i are gonna be in the same rooms. hee hee. hahah we can stay up alll night and no one will argue!! ahahah well, mabbe our neighbours. oops. haha
so then after the meeting she and i were going to burger king and heartland to do the spoof. but this was bloody 11am thank you very much. not much pple feel hungry and bloody 11am. so called gerard told him we weren't going to toa payoh library anymore and we were going to heartland to do the spoof. ahhha
so jingyi, christine, ziwei and yixian..i think...dragged us off to j8 heh heh.
took the bus, talked about blowing up the bishan mrt depot using atomic bombs. nic wanted to see the mushroom cloud we were thinking about teh consequences. we decided on blowing it up to only where the stupid looking guard house was. hahah everything in that radius is dead. wheee.
so got to j8 went to change, well nic did only i couldnt be botheed to...haha and then i dragged her off to mph. whee.
you know at mph there this book for suicide bunnies? hahah its orange in colour -orange is a happy colour!- with the picture of a bunny in a toaster. hahah
its very funny all comics and there was this one which left us all in hysterics. okay you see this bunny wanted to commit suicide so he got to this hardware store and got a wooden board, a bowling ball this bowl with holes in it nad astep ladder. he made all into a see saw kinda thing with the bowling ball at the other end and the holey bowl in the end he was going to jump into. he got onto the stepladder, jumped down the bowling ball went up but dint land where it was supposed to so the bunny went back to the hardware store brought nails and a hammer and hammered two nails into the edge of the board that had the bowling ball. so after doing that he jumped into the bowl again and this time the bowling ball landed where it was supposed to.
the bunny got killed -duh- and his whole body got squashed into noodle like thingies!! hahahahahahhaahhaha
nic was laughing and laughing at that part. you need to see the picture i want the book. hahahaha nic said if i ever got the book i must lend her so that she can photocopy. hahahah
any one sadistic enuf to follow me to j8 will be treated to read the suicidal bunny book. who wants to come?
oh yeah the book costs like 19dollars and something hahhaha.
so after that, we wandered about a bit more. -how dare popular be closed!!!- and then we went back to heartland. whee.
i think im beginning to feel my legs again. -wince-
so we got the little wadchacallit advertising thing or wadever. -shrugs- went off to burger king and took the spicy burger thingy meal wadever. the nice lady gave me onion rings. whee.
you know there were tons and tons of jc pple in burger king... hahahah saw tania :D she dint recognise me...-sobz- hahahha and jeanie's sister. whee.
i think. wadever.
so then we brought our stuff and let the fun begin :D
morpheus was going to be the onion rings. nicola has decided to call the plural of morpheus 'morphei' copyright to nicola wong 2004 and so on and so forth.
we got the Great War of the Morphei and the Neos. hahahaha neos are the french fries. im sooorryyy for all the avid readers of our spoofs...we couldnt be bothered to remember all the things in the matrix trilogy....i dint even watch like 2/3 out of the entire thing. so there.
and then...nicola discovered the fun about ripping. she became nic the ripper. she rips tomato ketchup thingies. hahahha really fun. she ripped 3 outta 4 packets. wheee. on the last packet, there was this loud sound 'splot' when the tomato ketchup landed on the tray. hahahhahahahaha wheee...
the matrix became the matray.
it was tomatoey and splotchy and gooey and icky and bloody and crumby and neoy and morpheusly and FUN AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
so after that, we finally cleared up, no the man did i swear he was dead happy when he got the tray away from us cos i think he saw us rip the last packet and the explosion was FUN.
hee hee nic and i are trying to work to the stage where we are kinda like foul ole ron of the discworld series, where his smell has a personality and spreads out first a couple of minutes before he arrives to make itself comfortable. we're trying to get an aura of evil. so that we can just sit there and pple will feel uneasy and cover their ears even when we're not making a sound.
that's kinda like trying to break the sound barrier. hahahahha
so went back to the library, returned my books and then came home to a sleeping family. whee. yay. hahahhahahaha so here i am blogging for all to see. and currently no one's online. awwww.
lets see how many songs did i get thru...
another postcard
i cant read you
something about you
never gonna leave your side
friday
another day and now
semi charmed life.
whee and im done posting. everyone congratulate me. wheee. :D
Posted by norbert at 1/21/2004 03:33:00 PM
Friday, January 16, 2004
heeeyyyllllllllllooooooooooooo crazy pple!!!hahahahhaahahha
right.
my blog is currently like dead.
my tagboard is missing.
my coms are on strike. okay the ONE with the scenes is on strike. its not fun not nice not everything.
i hate life.
tml got that siao house meeting. then im staying back to decorate-oh damn. im supposed to be looking for pictures of.....MONKEYSS!!! hahaha i could just take my younger sister's photo
and then ask someone to draw her. yeah.
haha
oh well
told my frend my com was dead anyway.
so sssh!!!
but wadever. ill jsut draw monkeys and monkeys...
:D
oooh wait
charlotte's song.
monkeys live up in trees monkeys have furry knees monkey s dont wear shoes and they dont lose their wallets becos they dont have aaannnnnnyy!!!
hahahahaha right. ^^ i need to bring gold paint tml. whee. :D
class decoration thing.. sho nic's spoof ahs to wait
till like 1.30 liddat then we'll go burger king and put neo as mr french fry.
Posted by norbert at 1/16/2004 11:39:00 PM
Tuesday, January 13, 2004
first of all...squeak-eek squeaken squeaken squeaken-eek.
secondly,
NOT SO HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ORLANDO BLOOMMM!! HOPE THAT YOU DDIIIEE~~!!!!
does anyone here of 1b o2 remember that little bitch rosie smith?
the one that threw simin's magazine down to the floor and dared her to pick it up in front of her and that slimy scum that made me so pissed just becos she couldnt understand my imaginative spastic self.
well looks like she hasnt gone to hell yet.
she's currently teaching in another school, giving hell to their students -joy to the world and im not joking- and making their miserable lives more miserable.
YAY!!!
and simin's mrs smith organization still on?
hahahahahahah
i have made gandalf the not so white. i have done up aragorn the not very bright and clean and so on and so forth. they are both made up of at least 1 material. hahahahahahahhaha
wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
i love dragging my whees.
and i apologise to everyone who's expecting a sane post. i am hyper today. should i put radioactive too?
yes i do believe so.
hahahahaha.
wheeee
right today dearest terry, we call her miss haha now., cos its bloody easy to make her laugh. one just stares at her and says haha and her face goes red and she giggles like an insane girl heh. and it always works. no matter how many times she says that it wont work. :D
today was talking to her about this yang ren girl called kimberly who showed interest in our swimming club. i dint know her name then...keep forgetting....
sho i asked terry about her. she said, australian swimmer. and i went , oh she's a swimmer? wad's her name?
okay now terry has a lot of food in her mouth, she has just gone thru the haha treatment at least 3 times sho her words that are illegiable or wadever is not my fault.
'lamb chop.'
huh?
'lam chope'
iam chop.
okaaay. so she's a swimmer.
yes his feet is very beeg.
..........................................................................................................
we had a humungous laugh about that later.
technically terry was talking about ian thorpe that famous swimmer from australia and then she was laughing and laughing during lunch when i related the incident to nicola until she choked. and had to move away from the table lest vomitting occured.
poor girl....YEAH RIGHT.
'oi miss haha!!'
?
'ha. ha!!'
***
Posted by norbert at 1/13/2004 10:15:00 PM
Wednesday, January 07, 2004
now for the first time. i shall blog. joy to the world.right here's the bit on our teachers... whee.
miss kaur, FT, english~ okay larh not thqt bad..but 3a2 got mrs tan!! -sobz-
chen lao shi~ hod of chinese. hell bent on us being chinese lovers. gawd bless her lil heart.
mrs koh, maths~ tall nice dead boring. ruth was snoozing away today.
miss lau, add maths~ she's the sort that makes your blood run cold. something something on how blahblahblah add maths is.. come to think of it..hey i need to get a a4 size book for this subject else she's pulverising me. and she told us to cut our book! our 2O SOMETHING DOLLARS BOOK!!she's nuts.
pure chem, miss ferng~ bane of all humanity. her chin is sho high cos she doesnt qant anyone to know about her double triple squared etc you get wad i mean chin. pride and more pride is in her dictionary. teacher is wrong was never in it.
pure physics, mr low~ wonder wad the E means. but he's voice is several octaves lower than mrs kumar, he's dead boring as well, computer whiz. everything computer, has done something to the physic lab floor cos we kept sliding after his lessons..etc
pure bio, miss koh~ soft. soft. soft. soft natured. uses microphone. bit on the not so thin side. nice teacher. doesnt know how to spell my name.
pure geog, mrs tee~ yes its the t shirt tee. we got her last year for geog too. ncie larh, talks way too fast and his quite funny.
elective lit, mrs stubbins~ dunnoe her yet. tml got her lesson. she took us 2a2rians for oral last year. think she's okay.
mrs chin, cme, ss~ she's funny in cme yes..but sss...dunnoe larh. looks alot like ms gan dm..always get them mixed up. crappy teachers.
right. that should be it. ha. ha.
wheeeeeeeeeeeeee
right...something else to add. and which i am very pissed at.
ruth told 3 pple. that i was called yang gui fei. a myanmar girl that speaks french, cho yee, a portugese girl, samantha, and loretta a singporean girl thank god.
samantha asked: is that your real name?
cho yee: Wad does that mean?
ruth grins there like an insane idiot.
argh.
Posted by norbert at 1/07/2004 11:52:00 PM
Sunday, January 04, 2004
Hi again mad crazy insane pple... ^^I shall be doing a spoof on iggie’s the revenant…haha Gerard says he wont mind…well I hope he doesn’t.
And now to begin…
The full moon shone upon the forest casting a moonly glow over the once green now brown, obviously, foliage which was recently trampled by a bunch of olifaunts. An unnatural silence hung over the trees cos practically everything was dead. So quite obviously the chirping of crickets was absent and etc etc etc. it was the darkest hour of midnight. Right. And the moon is shining like the sun. right.
Once there was A PERSON!! He shattered the silence by trampling the leaves and the twigs. Insensitive brat. Absolutely no sense of consideration at all. His mother should smack him. He appeared into the clearing, cursed about the stupid moon and retreated back again.
‘CUT!! REDO!!’
‘aaaww man!!’
‘dammit.’
-zipping forward thru time. Let’s give a moment to thank lobsang lubb, the son of time!!-
…appeared into the clearing and stared at his clothes.
Guy: stupid pple thinking about clothes all the time…its not im very handsome…am i? –ego ego-
Bits of cloth hung onto the stranger and he cursed about stupid pirated clothing who CLAIM that their clothing can withstand all weathers and time no worries and if you buy it now you’ll get a free rag!!
Well on with the story.
The clothing was supposed be be silk. Well, he ASSUMED that it was silk. He dint want to be thinking of wad else he could be wearing on his body. It was painful.
His hair, once finely cut with a beeg mixing bowl as a model, was curling around his shoulders. He whacked one strand off.
A tiny snake was seen whee-walling through the air. It later crash landed into a river and became the first anaconda of this earth but that’s not my story today.
His face, pale by the moonlight…well of course its pale by the moon light its not like the moon is blue or something…its not red too…is it? And his cheeks were gaunt and sunken.
Guy: ‘cos. I dint eat for a week to get into this role.
He had a name. It was an abysmal one. I mean who’d call their son ‘Margaret, please note spelling and oh damn it’s a boy’?
Therefore, he had forgotten it as quickly as possible and then killed his parents and took on a new name, Also Known As.
But it did not matter now. He was sick and bloody well damned tired and he STILL had this stupid shot to do. Life was tough.
Anyway, he dint remember aka now. His hand, well fake hand to be exact, he’s quite pudgy, thin and skeletonal, -we pinched it off the corpse- held onto the notched bloody sword for dear freaking life. Well OF COURSE HE’LL hold it on for life, he’s been starved for a week mate. He needs to eat.
And then he glazed with his coloured black contacts, rendering him almost blind, onto the piece of rope which-
‘SHUT UP!!!’
sorry man. Tis not my fault.
‘now be nice and on with the story. Shut up on us being homicidically poor and eating corpses.’
Very well.
And he glazed up with his coloured black contacts onto the –ahem supposedly- twisted corpse lying before him.
He did the only unimaginative thing a twit of this earth would do.
He kicked the ‘corpse’ and it flew to a nearby bush.
‘CUT YOU INSIGNIFICANT IDIOT!! CUUUUUUUUUUUTTTT!!!!!’
‘wad?!’
‘SOMEONE FIND ME AN …AKA NO 4!!’
‘but but…im aka no.3!!’
oh dear.
‘DIIIIEEE!!!’
the director stabs aka no.3 and he dies. They move him into position. Already mouths are watering.
‘food-must-leave-alone….’
‘ALRIGHTEE THEN. ANNNDDD… ACTION!!’
‘…ddaaahhh… im aka no.4…’
‘dammit.’
***
alrightee then. Are we ready? Do we have yeses?
‘yeah. You can begin the narrative now. I need a vacation.’
There there.
Ahem.
The events came back to him in a rush. He had to duck and then cower frantically but they dint stop. They hovered about him going –FEED ME FEED ME------
Oh dammit. Wrong story.
‘let’s try again…’
in a rush the events came back to him. He cowered frantically but they hovered over him, entering him one by one. There there…can you see? Very good special effects… wait…oh gawd. They had GHOSTS?!!
Wadever.
The thing or wadever had occurred here an eon ago. But the pain…oh gawd is that ghost going to-
Yep. He stabbed him.
‘CUT!!!’
‘…ddaaahh…is dat my blood…’
‘GET ME AKA NO.5!!!you. we had a bargain. No stabbing of humans while on deck!’
BUT WE ARE GHOSTS, MATE.
are you alright?
‘no. I need a vacation. NOW.’
Okay, ahem, however the twit did not feel them anymore. Oh how coincidental. ^^
He was back at home. The child had just fallen down the ceiling and the woman was looking over that tiny fact.
‘you IDIOT. If you go…I will chop you into 230 pieces and fry them and THEN feed them to the ducks!’ in contrary to the brimming tears, the woman was fat, had a chopper knife and was PISSED.
‘but mom!! Its my JOB. I have a DUTY.’
Ps~ this is his other mom. This mom knows him as aka.
‘then ME?!’
‘uh mom…you’re great about the house.’ Oh. Damn. He wasn’t supposed to reply.
-cancellation-
however, before he could come up with any sorry excuse, his mom thrust her arms into him, wanting to give him a hug, BUT she is a 10000 pound woman.
He coughed.
‘uh..mom..i cant breathe.’
‘Sorry dear. But you know, that purple shade really really suits you.’
‘SAH!’ a young green wood elf frolicked up and saluted. ‘the troops are ready for the fehadikagen*, SAH!’
he coughed again. Once more, mom had to wait for her milk. The scales of life tipped towards duty and life without her screaming at him once every 5 seconds. And thank god for them scales.
*investigation of the death of flowers, sah!
The wood elves stood at attention before him. Their eager eyes going in all directions, making them look like energetic bees that got stuck in their heads. The elves also held their breaths and stood chest out, making them look more and more like flowers.
He coughed.
They started breathing again. Couple of the more purplish flowers disappeared from his view. Mother Earth freaked out.
A haddock whizzed past him, grazing his hat.
‘I DINT KNOW THEY WERE USING FISH!! OH DAMN!’
a second kipper flicked past him, exploding onto another Flower. The bones got caught in one of his fingers and it burst into blood, staining his only shirt.
Whirling, he drew his poker from its sheath and threw it away. Apparently mom did the packing today. He then stopped and attempted to recover his poker. Wad. A poker was better than no poker.
Uruk hais clad in pink flowery designs similar to the tutu of the ballet twirled around, poking people with their horrifying leaps of faithé.
Descending into the scene of chaotic ballet like a furious teacher of Doom and weaving through the battle with ease, he tripped once. No wait. Twice.
A sharp sting caught him at the back and he wrenched out the same snake that he flicked off in the first place. –refer to the one about the hair-
It was now humungous.
His scream echoed through the battle and his world of pivoting uruk hais faded into grey…
‘ANNNDDD CUT!’
‘wheeeow.’
‘oh they were lovely oh how perfect… -sobz-’
there there.
‘oh okay..let’s push our luck.’
He awoke up in a clearing. recognizing the pink and white garb of the Pallet Bar (Pelle bar), he focused his eyes and stared right into……. a foot.
‘zalk zo zhe fooz bro, cos zhe ears ain’z liszening.’
‘WTF?!’
‘YOU’LL PAY FOR THIS YOU UGLY WADEVER YOU ARE….YOU EVIL SCUM YOU!!! Oh hello dear.’
He could have died of embarrassment.
An uruk hai approached him and smiled his funny smile.
‘God dag min venn. La oss lek et spill.’
‘eh?’
‘ER DE LYTTER TIL MEG?’
‘wad?’
‘Oversetter, nå!’
‘huh?’
‘coming coming. Wad. Oh another common speech guy. Wait wait…he said…’-consults paper- ‘good day my friend, let’s play a game and are you listening to me and uh…translator, now!’
the translator coughed nervously. The uruk hai was tossing two small vials of liquid half heartedly.
‘okay. He gives you these two vials. Both are poisons, like duh. He’s a poison expert.’
The uruk hai shook a small vial in his face, smashing it right up his nose. The whole vial shattered.
‘oops,’ The uruk hai burped.
The translator buried his head in his hands.
‘right right…so you get this bottle… the minor venom. The lady there,’ here he coughed again. ‘gets the other lethal one.’
‘BUT I DINT EVEN CHOOSE!! WAD KIND OF FREAKING GAME IS THIS!??!’
‘an unfair one.’
He couldn’t face his mom. She was about to die kicking and screaming at least. Not old and pathetic. The worst kind of death, she said.
‘OI!! GET UP!! YOU IDIOT!! YOU FORGOT THAT I GET BITTEN BY AT LEAST 45 DIFFERENT POISONOUS SPECIES WHILE WORKING AROUND THE HOUSE!!’
he stood up, ready for one more of her bone crushing hugs when her fat face turned blue.
‘oh…dammit.’
His mom fainted on him.
THE SCUM OF THE EARTH HAD SHOT HIS MOM!
‘CUUUTTT!! That was wonderful!! Wonderful!! Absolutely wonderful!!’
and are we gonna get a raise?
‘cos not.’
Damn.
***
okay people people! Places! Acting in…
‘you the director?’
err no.
‘so?’
fine fine you direct.
‘thank you. Annnnddd ACTION!’
but he was interrupted from his mourning, -coughyeahrightcough- as another fish whizzed past and lodged itself in a nearby tree which immediately wilted.
It was a swordfish. Understandable in these circumstances. –look up mr. marlin at this site-
Fish flew-well they flew technically but you get wad I mean- and pple screamed hell and fury as the wood elves launched their second attack.
‘thank god. About time too.’
‘sorry SAH! Was distracted by flying fish, SAH!’
The uruk hai who smashed the poison into his face danced silently away, seen and ignored by all as he twirled his way to freedom with the shadows.
‘psst…are shadows nice?’
‘beats me.’
Oi director looking…
‘hell.’
aka had gone after the uruk hai for days, listening hopelessly to his version of swan lake, in which the lake of ice cracked and devoured the swan princess and burped out her feathers sastifyingly, sniffling out the idiot who ruined his last dinner. his mom was supposed to be making it for him. days became months, months became years, years became...wtf.
right. anyway you get wad i mean. and still he plotted the death of the bloody uruk hai. technically he wasn't bloody but you know... ^^
in the end. he was just a bloody old guy hell bent on world destruction and yada yada yada...bloody hell who the heck arranges these scripts?
right right right sho he became an old guy he got trashed by time -give it up for lobsang~!- and time repaid him duly. he wasnt interested in love. like duh who in the world who be interested in a guy that was only interested in killing his mom's killer. i mean, sheesh! he felt no anger he felt no love blahblahblah blah. he felt only the urge to kill his mom's killer. he gave a new meaning to the phrase 'revenge is a dish best served cold'. he chilled his blades in freezers.
so basically he was vengence. mabbe maiev and him should get together.
and as he gazed to the -ahem- corpse again...okay okay okay... corpse. its a bloody decent corpse with flies and ek cetra. okay?
'good.'
thank you.
okay sho he gazed at the corpse using his coloured black eye contacts. yeah. and then he thought, 'bloody hell how long am i supposed to be acting anymore as this person-'
'CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!'
'WTF!!'
'YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO CURSE. YOU. ARE. NOT. SUPPOSED. TO. CURSE!!'
'WTH THEN?!'
'NOO!'
'w00t?'
'NOOOOOOOOO!'
eerrr it means the same thing anyway.
'SHUT UP!!'
'DID I ASK YOU!!'
right. i shall keep mercifully silent.
2 hours later...
right they have finally asked me the all knowing narrator wad the hell did the actor do wrong. i politely pointed out that the actor had thought things that he wasnt supposed to be thinking and THEN it blew up again.
great.
right that's it im taking over.
can we have an aka. no...uh..wad number are we on now?
'six your royally all knowing narrator.'
thank you. someone get aka no. 6! y'know will the pple ask if our characters keep changing faces?
'we'll say that they went for plastic surgery, your lordship narrator sir.'
ah right. how convienent.
'yeah.'
-couple of seconds later-
do they have plastic surgery at that time?
'dunnoe.'
okay pple...action, action...where's the bloody translator...
'here. here. and my name is not bloody translator its sylvia.'
you gay?
'no.'
then?
'IM A FREAKING WOMAN!'
really? whoa. that brings the total cast of women in our crew as 2. i guess ill have to do a credits rolls later.
right...anddd action!
'hey wad happened to the director and aka no. 5?'
ill say that they're currently -quite busy-.
'cool!'
and he thought, that his vengence in a cold plate was finished. sheathing his poker, he took out a tiny mushroom decorated with sparkly bits like the stars.*
* called the aihef, this is one of the most potent mushrooms ever to roam the earth. and i mean roam. it crawls around, forcing pple to eat it. pple who DO eat it, face death by disembowelment. literally. they fart all their organs out. very painful.
animals started howling.
...
HOWL!
-whining all over the place-
much better.
he then took a knife from the dead guy's body and started cutting the mushroom up delicately.
bringing out a plate of spaghetti-
'do they have spaghetti that time?'
beats me.
-he sprinkles the mushroom bits all over the cold dish.
retreating back to his camp, he waits while the tomato ketchup boils in a tiny minute frying pan.
'rock and pool ish nice and cool so juicy sweet all we wish to catch a fish so juicy SWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEETTT!!!'
every animal in the vicinity scrambled for dear life. pouring out the hot sauce into the cold dish, he raises a cup to the heavens.
'this one's for you mum.'
he gulps the drink, cup and all and devours the spaghetti, eating it with relish.
'ooh momma.' he smiles, patting his stomach. this was one of his mom's oldest recipes.
***
okay aka died already...hellloooooooooooooooooooooo?!
good.
right....credits....ROLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!
-cheesy music rolls about. think happy tree friends.-
la la la la la la la la la la la la !!!
director- unknown someone -honestly! that's his name!-
narrator- wikkyu abitode
CAST- aka no.1 ~chocolate bunny (deceased)
aka no. 2/corpse ~pikka chuu (deceased, he was replaced by a piece of rope)
aka no. 3/corpse ~cheese jesse (deceased)
aka no. 4 ~slate 'dah' silter (deceased)
aka no. 5 ~clapton elfsson
aka no. 6 ~eric wen kellypop
uruk hais ~kefa, befa, kinde, ghin, finre, lok, wert, tearn, huy, fluffy, meekinia, keniaoh, 'cor!', rid bits, kiay, hoj, qert. (all are real uruk hais btw)
ghosts- yuku, jonsson, ghoodo, vidaboom, celsee (real ghosts too. all deceased)
child -kindi comer
aka(s)'s mom- ying yan pom
liutenent wood elf- yut who
wood elves- the politically correct wood elvesie choir of the flowers
norweigian uruk hai- caption exclamation mark -found it on a keyboard and took it as his official name-
translator- sylvia furrnes
CREW- cameramen~ unknown, wikkyu, cheese jesse, johnny 'dah' burton, clapton elfsson, eric wen kellypop, jonsson, sylvia furrnes, yut who, celsee
spolighters~ please press and hold down the ctrl key, high light the above, press the key 'c' and then move the cursor to after the word 'spotlighters' and press 'v'. done.
practically everything else~ wikkyu. being the narrator, he was officially omnipotent
props have been sponsored by spandex space
special appearances- lobsang lubb, the son of time
Disclaimer : all the pple here are fictionous. if your name is up there, its not my fault that i can actually dream up real pple. no plants or animals were injured in the filming of this movie but i cant say the same for their hearing, that first anaconda and all the fishes and flowers, and the unfortunate aihef, which we stole from a protected park, since aihefs are officially extinct.
anyway, for anyone who wants to know, the title of the movie is 'THE BOY WHO GREW UP AND DIED BEFORE HE ACTUALLY DID'
and thanks to iggie, who wrote the original story, and to gerard, who was very enthusiastic about this, god knows why and to blogger, who helped me published this. hahhha. yeah right.
and huggies to everyone who read this!! ps...you DO know huggies is a diaper brand right?
Posted by norbert at 1/04/2004 07:14:00 PM
THE REVENANT
The full moon shone darkly upon the forest, casting a silvery glow over the once-green foliage. An unnatural silence hung over the trees. Nothing, not even the ever-present chirping of crickets, was to be heard. There was no life to be found in the forest at the darkest hour of the night .
A sound shattered the silence. The crunch of rotting leaves and twigs beneath a soft footfall, normally inaudible, echoed loudly through the empty forest. A small, lithe figure stepped into the clearing. Bits of cloth hung around the dark stranger, once fine silken clothing, now reduced to tattered rags. His hair, once finely cropped, raggedly curled around his shoulders. His face was pale as the moonlight, his cheeks gaunt and sunken. He had once had a name, but that had been lost in the mists of time, in the haze of- of what? His did not remember anymore. It did not matter. A thin, nearly skeletal hand clutched the notched, bloodied sword as he gazed with black eyes upon the twisted corpse lying before him.
In a rush, the details of the event returned to him. The event that had occurred here a lifetime ago, that transcended the boundaries of the living and the dead, and shattered his world. But the pain, the old, hollowed pain that had lived with him for an aeon… It was gone. He did not feel such things anymore.
He was back in his home.
“Don’t go.” The woman’s eyes were pleading, brimming over with tears.
“You know I can’t stand to lose you…”
“I’m sorry… it’s my duty, to our forest, to our people!”
“But what about me?”
Before he could reply, she stormed out of the hut with a choked sob.
He rose to go after her, to explain why he had to go…
“Sir!” A young soldier stepped up to him and saluted. “The troops are ready, awaiting your inspection, sir!”
He sighed. She would have to wait, once more. Once more the scale tipped towards duty.
The troops stood at attention before him, young, eager faces, ready to throw themselves to their deaths upon their enemies. He gave them a nod. They would know what to do when the time came. An arrow whizzed past his hand, grazing his finger. Blood sprayed, staining his shirt.
Whirling, he drew his slender sword from its sheath as the scene descended into chaos.
Soldiers clad in dark armour strode into the clearing, swords swinging. The sounds of battle rang out throughout the clearing. He charged at the nearest group of the soldiers, waving his sword with practiced ease. A sharp sting caught him in the back of his neck. He grunted, and yanked the crossbow bolt out from his neck. It had struck a glancing wound, and there wouldn’t be much damage. It was at that moment he noticed the whitish substance coating the bolt, mingling with his own blood. The bolt dropped out of his hand as he collapsed into darkness…
He awoke sleepily in a clearing. He recognized the red and yellow garb of the raiders, worn on the multitude of soldiers marching around the clearing. On the other side of the clearing was a form, bound and gagged. He focused his sleepy eyes, and drew a sharp breath. He closed his eyes, knowing he would never forgive himself if any harm came to her. He steeled himself for whatever was to come.
A man approached. He wore many medallions on his garb, designating his high rank, quite possibly the leader of the band. He smiled genially.
“Let’s play a game,’ he said, with no trace of hate or malice in his voice.
He withdrew a vial from his pocket.
“Sumac,’ he said, shaking the first vial.
“A minor venom, it will cause a little pain, but nothing else.”
“Voyria,’ he said, producing a vial in his other hand.
“The most dangerous venom known to Sapience. Death within minutes.”
He moved to replace the vial, and droplet of the black liquid splashed onto his captive’s arm. “Oh, and…try to escape, and I’ll have you know that I have archers positioned all over the forest.” He wiggled the vial again, and placed it into his pocket.
Tendrils of burning fire raced up his arm, and he gritted his teeth. Then, just as quickly as it had come, the pain faded away. He gazed with hatred at his captor.
“What do you want?”
“Just a game,” the man said cryptically.
He withdrew two pointed knives from his pocket.
“This knife;” he said, indicating the knife covered in a thin, lime-green substance, “is coated in sumac.”
“This one,’ he said, gesturing at the other knife, dripping with a thick black liquid, ‘is coated in voyria.”
“You will pick one, and cut yourself with it. She gets the other one” He pointed a thin finger and the bound figure on the other side of the clearing.
“If you survive, you’re free to go.”
He sighed. He did not have to make a choice. He reached for the dripping black knife.
The man smiled at him. The woman cried out in denial from the other end of the clearing.
He moved to cut the arm with the dripping knife. It was the only way, he thought.
Too late, a droplet of the substance dripped onto his arm. He grimaced, anticipating the burning sensation. It didn’t come. The knife make a small incision into his arm. He gazed in horror at his captor, as a terrible ache came over his limbs. But it was nothing, compared to the ache he felt in his heart…
“You have chosen. Then this one,” the man held up the other knife, ”is for her.”
“You tricked me…” he said, gritting his teeth.
The man said nothing as he moved over to slice the woman’s arm with the knife.
He watched with helpless rage, knowing that he could not act without killing them both.
He watched with burning sadness, as she started to bleed.
He watched as she slumped over, still.
The man walked over to him, and cut his ropes with the same knife. He stood up, eyes hollow. The two men gazed at each other for a moment. He clenched his fist. The man would pay for what he had done…
But he was interrupted, as an arrow whizzed between them and lodged itself in a nearby tree. Arrows flew, and people screamed as the band of Tsol’aa defenders descended upon the encampment. But it was unseen, to all but he, as the man slipped away, almost unnoticed, and became one with the shadows.
He had gone after him, for days, hunting down the person who had destroyed his life. Days became months, months became years, years became decades. Yet he still plotted his revenge. In the end, nothing else mattered to him. He felt no anger. He felt no love. He felt no pain. He felt only vengeance. He was vengeance.
And as he gazed with black eyes upon the twisted corpse lying before him, he thought, My vengeance is finished. He knelt down beside the corpse, and withdrew a pointed knife from its pocket.
I am finished.
Smiling darkly at the black substance coating the knife, he flipped it around with casual ease, and drove it into his own chest.
Posted by norbert at 1/04/2004 07:07:00 PM
Thursday, January 01, 2004
i am in no mood to celebrate new year. anyone who comes and wishes me happy new year will wish that she was never born.-bellowing-
WHO KNOWS SNUFFLES-KIN?!!!
-cough-
and my com has gone nuts. to think i am actually typing and clicking the mouse... oh. the problem's solved. some stupid debuggin thing i hate life. and i have hmk to do -gasp- and im online- bigger gasp- and im blogging -biggest gasp-
yeah right. i have to do the stupid commonwealth essay. confound it i hate life.
im gonna do on machinery. who wants me to post my commonwealth essay here say aye!
-pom tiddly pom-
xp is sulking the sound card is gone i have witnessed the chip known as the cpu and some stupid clocking device and the FAN OF LIFE!! HAHAHHAHA!!
the fan ish blowing.
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhh!!
-googles at fan like a baby-
yeah right. i ll just go now...hmk to do. radio to listen to pple to whine for...etc etc etc. tally ho!