Tuesday, April 20, 2004

Scene: Jungle Suvivee
First thing… JUNGLE SURVIVAL!! Everyone groans.

Legolas: What the hell… we’ll just pack some lembas and we’re ready to go.

The class steal his lembas and throw them down the hill and stomp on them. Boromir smirks. He has refused to demonstrate how to light the burner as he assumes that children will learn better themselves.

Legolas: Okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.

Boromir: So. Too bad you have to cook.

Legolas: But but buuut.. !! MY NAILLSS!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO….!!

Boromir smiles evilly. Everyone forces Legolas to cook. Everyone knows how to cook. Only he doesn’t. He kept getting the hobbits to do it for him. Legolas gets a brainwave and drags Pippin here.

Legolas: Pippin. COOK. You must. Or I’ll shoot you and you’ll really regret it.

Pippin: Damn you! No way am I going to cook! I’m this really big guy back at my town in Hobbiton and you want me to cook!?!?! MEEE!?!?!!? THE GREAT CAPTAIN OF…

Legolas stuffs the Maggie noodle bar into his mouth. He then flings Pippin away. Someone lights the paraffin… thingy, whatever and puts out too much gas and the entire thing shoots out in one big fireball. The wall is stained.

Legolas: Ummm…. Weelll….

He pokes the noodle bar carefully. It twitches.

Legolas: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!

Legolas runs off screaming, trips down the stairs, and then slams down hard on the ground, still.

Class: …………………..

Boromir: Okay never mind. Go to the next post. Go go go. Someone get Legolas back. Call Gandalf.

Gandalf is stalking the place and resurrects Legolas. He is the Official Resurrector of the Alpha Camp.

Legolas: Thank you.

Gandalf: Damn YOU. You there. Spider person thing… lead them out.

Tobey: The name’s MAGUIRE. Get that right fat old man.

Gandalf: Whatever.

Tobey Maguire sulks out and leads us out of the campsite. Daniel is complaining about the sun….

Daniel: $%$%&@-ing sun.

He stomps on the stony road. Kicks a bit of the stones up, hits a few already pissed off and insanely violent students.
Tobey quietly ignores the violent sounds coming from the back. Will pops out of NOWHERE, gives everyone a heart attack as he waves happily at everyone.

Class: WHAT THE…

Will: Alright then. You’re walking in this jungle… hey this is a jungle! Cool. Ummm walking through this jungle… uh yeah, follow me.

He motions for us to follow him and we go through that annoyingly small path through the grassy area.

Legolas (Brushing on grass): AAAHHH AAHH AHHH A SNAKKKEE!! SNAAAAAAAAAKKEE!!

He shoots the poor grass piece mercilessly. The class stare at him and pull him away from the grass. Legolas is foaming at the mouth.

Legolas: Grass… grass…

Nellyn: Grass of Doom. Yay.

Will: Come on… follow me…

He motions for us to follow him. We reach that pathetically pathetic river… swamp… water… muddy… thingy. –Author waves hands helplessly- Yeah. Whatever.

Water: Blurp. Blurp. Bluuuurrraaap.

Legolas: Water!

He runs down and falls into the water frantically.

Legolas: Cleanliness! Away, you evil Snake!

He washes himself. Boromir rides over on a horse and glares at Legolas.

Boromir: What the hell.

He wades into the water and drags Legolas out casually.

Will: Erm… okay… now that… he’s… much better… yeah you were walking in the forest and you come across the river… there it’s this one, can’t you see? With lots of dirty mud!

Legolas screams from where he is currently being held down. Boromir glares at Will, who shrugs easily.

Boromir: You HAD to do that right.

Will: Sorry.

End.

Posted by norbert at 4/20/2004 10:40:00 PM